Are you dating in the right pond?

Are you dating in the right pond?

Select Personal Introductions has been in the dating market since 1997. The main question we get asked is, What’s the best type of dating for me?” Our response usually starts with – “What have you tried, and what do you want from the experience?

Having been in the dating industry for almost two decades a lot of friends come to me for dating advice and counselling. One question I always get asked is, “ Then it all becomes clear! Like anything, you have to decide what you want.

If you want to book a holiday that will provide you with a lovely bronzed tan at the end of it then Britain’s probably not the safest bet, and you certainly wouldn’t think of popping down to Adli or Lidl to purchase the latest iphone… well not yet anyway!!

I realise I am labouring the point a little, but even the obvious seems to be missed.

As a “general” rule of thumb. Dating is about the ‘experience’. It involves two people so no matter what you may think or want the outcome will probably be influenced by the other person more.

Questions you need to ask yourself.

Why are they dating?
What do they want?
Are they wanting the same things as you?

No matter how great they look, or how wonderful they sound, these questions may have more of an influence on the outcome than you think.

Question for the heart

So, what are the options?

Dating apps – dating habits have changed over the years along with what people want. There is now a increasing number of individuals who just want to “hook up”. It’s probably growing quicker in the early to mid-twenties age group. ‘No commitment’, ‘to the point’ and ‘no beating about’ – “Do you want Sex – NOW?” Welcome to the dating app. It may be brutal and will most definitely have an influence on the number of people contracting STD’s, but it is being used by a lot of young single people. Make sure you put up a good photograph because it’s all about that!! Will you find your future life partner?

Online dating – there are a group of people who use online dating for a number of different reasons. “I’m not sure”, “I don’t want to be tied to any emotional boundaries”, “I’m looking for a little fun”, “I am with someone, but we’re going through a bit of a rocky patch”, “I want your money” (apologies, but I did say I would state the obvious), “I want you to be my Sunday, as I already have my Monday to Saturday”.

Online dating is the fast food of dating. It provides a plethora of photo’s that someone has uploaded. Not sure who of or how old, but you’ve got some lovely (and some not so lovely) pictures. If you want to casually date then this is the perfect place to start. You can be whoever you want to be – whatever age, height, build, dress size, etc and no-one is going to check the validity as it’s all done by computer algorithms.

Have fun, chat, email, text, make online friends. It’s time-consuming, but so is DIY. Will you find your future life partner?

Introductions agency – for those people who want something a little more real and genuinely want to find a relationship then things become a little harder. It’s the difference between renting and buying a property – you’re going to be fussier with what you buy.

People join an introduction agency because they are looking for someone to share their life experiences with. If you’re looking for “something” a little more “easy” then this is not for you.You are going to have to provide Identification, you will be interviewed and it won’t be free. But rest assured, everyone goes through the same vetting!

Consider what calibre of single people are you looking to mix with i.e dating professionals and is this the type of client base that the agency aims to attract?
How far do you want to travel? If you want to cover the whole of the UK then you need a national company, as they will have members all over and predominantly in the South of England due to the population coverage.

For more local introductions you need an agency that covers your specific area, as they are most likely going to have a larger database of single local people in that area.

Things to consider…

Do you want the support of a ‘personal matching team’ that oversee your dates and dating experience

Are you looking for something a little more bespoke? In which case you may need a head-hunting service.
Remember, like anything in life, the more you ask for the harder the search gets. Will you find your future life partner?

Will you find your future life partner? I know I keep asking the question, but the advice I always give is “do nothing, get nothing”. There are no guarantees in life apart from your death & taxes, what happens in the middle is down to you and fate!
What do you want? You need to work out what you want from your dating experience. Then choose the best place to look for it. If you start looking in the wrong place you will be playing with a different set of rules to everyone else. Imagine you are David Beckham playing for England (RFU) against the All Blacks. Whose going to get hurt?

Remember – Be honest, be open and never start a relationship with a lie.

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