Blended Families: Tips for making it work
Dating comes with a whole range of challenges, and these can be intensified when children are involved. Whether you have children yourself or are happy to date those who do, you can be confident that the perfect partner is out there.
Here, Select Personal Introductions shares tips on how to make a blended family work so you can date confidently, knowing that you’ll be able to adapt in the future.
What is a blended family?
A blended family is one in which two people with children form a relationship, bringing their families together. Also known as a stepfamily, blended families can be of any size, it simply depends on how many children there are combined. It may be that both people have children, or it could just be one of them.
What are the main challenges of living in a blended family?
As with all new situations, challenges can arise when creating a blended family. Typically, you and your partner will be excited about bringing your children together, but they may be unsure about how things will change.
Some of the main challenges associated with living in a blended family include:
Age differences
The age of your children can influence how your families blend. Young children are perhaps more likely to go with the flow, whereas teenagers might have strong feelings about their parent getting together with someone new and spending time with their new partner’s family.
In some situations, the stepparent may be close in age to their partner’s oldest child, which can sometimes cause uncertainty and conflict that need to be addressed.
Family roles
Another issue blended families can face is a change in family roles. For example, the eldest child in one family might become a middle child when the family is blended, and this can come with mixed emotions. It could also be that one stepparent doesn’t have children of their own and needs to adjust to parental responsibilities and the challenges that come with them.
Bedrooms and personal space
Not all blended families will have space in their home for each child to have their own room, which can cause problems if they’re used to having personal space. You’ll need to consider who should share with who based on sex, age, and how well they get on with each other.
How to deal with blended family problems
The thought of bringing your families together and the challenges it’ll bring can be daunting, but it’ll be worth it for the development of your relationship. There are numerous ways to deal with any problems that arise to ensure everyone’s comfortable with the new situation.
Have open conversations
You, your partner, and any children involved may have different thoughts, ideas, and anxieties about how spending time together will work. By sharing these through open conversations, you can ensure that everyone is listened to and all feelings are taken into consideration. There may be problems that arise that you don’t have a quick fix for, but discussing these will enable you to focus on a solution.
Put boundaries in place
Clear boundaries will ensure all members of your blended family know what’s expected of them when you spend time together. This could include everything from house rules that everyone must follow to how involved you’ll be in discipline as a stepparent. It may be that you remain solely responsible for your own children or that you split responsibilities for all children between you. Whatever boundary decisions you make, ensure the whole family is made aware and has the opportunity to ask any questions.
Be civil with exes
One potential issue with blended families is that you may need to spend time with your partner’s ex. For example, you might all want to attend a child’s play or sports day, and it’s best for them if they see their parents and stepparents getting on well. You don’t need to be best friends with them, but being civil will help to encourage respect and a smooth relationship.
Benefits of being in a blended family
All families have challenges to deal with over time, and blended families are no different. However, there are lots of great benefits of being in a blended family that you can look forward to.
A strong relationship
Bringing your families together will ensure that your relationship is stronger than ever. Seeing your partner in their role as a parent will bring out a new side to them that you’re sure to love, and increased responsibilities will bring you closer together as you tackle any issues and overcome family-related hurdles as a team.
Increased emotional intelligence
When successfully building relationships with stepparents and stepsiblings, children can increase their emotional intelligence, especially when they spend lots of time together. Through learning how to take other people’s feelings and thoughts into consideration, the children in your blended family will gain a better understanding of balanced relationships and how to live harmoniously with others.
Financial stability
Finances are perhaps something you wouldn’t fully discuss with your children, but, as a partnership, you may find that blending your families gives you increased financial stability and more opportunities to do fun things together. For example, combining your disposable income could mean you can afford a holiday for the whole family, something you may not have been able to achieve alone.
An extended support system
The more family members you have, the larger your support system will be and the better prepared you’ll be for any issues that come your way. In addition to stepchildren, you may also gain parents and siblings-in-law who will be happy to help as you navigate blended family life together.
Now that you understand how blended families can work, you can feel confident about dating people with children and about introducing a potential new partner to your own kids.
At Select Personal Introductions, we’ll match you with people who share your values when it comes to children and blended families, so you’ll start out on the same page. Sign up for a membership today and find out how we can help.