Getting divorced is a stressful thing. It’s perhaps one of the most stress inducing things you can do as an adult!
After some time, you may well decide that you feel ready to start looking at meeting new people and eventually dating.
We’re all different, as are all divorces, so there is no right or wrong about how you should do things. What is good for one person, maybe disastrous for the next. However, we do have some tips for all of you out there who are looking to move towards finding a new partner.
Make sure you’re ready to get back into the dating game.
Now, this may sound obvious and being ready could mean something different to everyone! You may be a person who wants to stay single for a while and get back in touch with yourself. Whereas someone else may want to dive right back into the dating game. The key here is to do what is right for you. Well meaning friends and family may tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing, but only you know how you feel. Do not feel pressured into dating if it’s not right for you.
Feel good about you
The chances are, if you’ve been through a particularly difficult divorce, you may not be feeling your usual self. It really can take time to adjust. It may be tempting to turn to a new person for comfort. Our advice would always be to make sure you’re comfortable in your own skin before you look for a relationship with others. Not only will this be easier on you, but it will also make dating more enjoyable as you’re going to be more comfortable and confident!
Don’t rush into anything too serious
Again this is another one which may sound like we’re stating the obvious! But we know only too well that people can often get carried away in a rush of emotions when someone shows interest in them. I think most of us have fallen into that trap once or twice if we’re honest! So we’re not being prudish when we say, don’t leap into bed with someone new. Relationships can be complex even when they’re not after a divorce. Make sure you do things on your terms and when you are ready.
Be mindful of your emotions
You may feel ready to get back into the dating game, but sometimes your emotions may get the better of you. That is perfectly normal. Divorcing a partner can bring all manner of emotions to the fore. Make sure that you pay attention to how you feel. If your gut is telling you something is bad, or indeed good, then it’s probably right! Again, there is no right and wrong here at all, just go with what works for you.
Trust your instinct
We cannot reiterate enough how much you need to trust your instincts when you get back out dating again. There are people who may not be all they seem, and in the whirlwind of emotions which may come about, your instincts are always going to be your best friend. There has been a lot of research recently on how the gut and brain communicate with each other. There really is something in listening to your gut instinct!
We’ve probably all been in a situation, divorcee or not, where we’ve been on a date with someone who is not exactly suitable. There is no harm in that, just make sure that you keep yourself safe both physically and mentally.
Feel the fear and do it anyway
We know, we’ve just told you to be careful and take your time. But, you are bound to have some anxiety around dating again. Even if you’re not dating after divorce, you’re bound to have some butterflies. Particularly if you’ve been in a long term relationship. Some people may feel dating is just that step too far. But if you think it’s for you, then sometimes you need to make the leap. You’re bound to be nervous, but if you follow the tips above, we’re sure the butterflies will soon vanish and you’ll be enjoying your new adventures in no time at all.
If you’re a divorcee and you’re thinking about having a meaningful relationship with someone, then why not get in touch? We’ve over twenty years of experience of helping people find the partner that is right for them.